Give Yourself a Break

As shelter in place continues, it’s understandably harder for people to feel motivated. But more often than not, people attribute lack of motivation to a character flaw. They worry that if they relax, they might never be productive again. Anxious and self-punishing thoughts present themselves as motivational allies, but where did we get the idea that feeling guilt or stressed is the best way to motivate?

Many cultural influences stoke this belief. Whether you’re religious or not, you’ve heard it in the phrase “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” You’re probably also familiar with the Puritan work ethic. Beyond religious beliefs, the U.S. was founded on the idea that if you work hard, you’ll get ahead. And the converse: If you don’t end up ahead, the fault is yours and yours alone. Psychology took up the theme of our suspect nature when Freud postulated that we’re born as an uncivilized id, which is akin to a wild animal, and that maturation is about taming the beast.

All of these ideas feed a mistrust for one’s self. But let’s break this down a bit. If you’re trying to stress yourself into productivity, you are actually making it harder on yourself. You’re activating your sympathetic nervous system and the attendant stress hormones. The purpose of stress is to enable you to respond to a real and present physical danger. That spike of adrenaline when someone cuts you off on the freeway allows you to bypass your intellect and respond by braking or turning the wheel quickly.

When you’re trying to be productive, however, you don’t want to bypass your intellect. You think better when your parasympathetic nervous system is engaged and you’re relaxed and calm. Focus and concentration are enhanced precisely because you’re not worried. This is when you have greater access to creativity and problem-solving skills.

If you have been productive while stressed, you’ve done so in spite of the stress—not because of it. How would you raise a child? Would you tell them that in order to achieve, they need to stress themselves out with negative messages about their laziness and ineptitude, or would you encourage them to relax and connect to their abilities and competencies? Try the latter on yourself, and see what happens.